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Matt Dorey

A bird is sitting on the grass with a kite

On Entropy and Star-shapes

I find myself in the unusual position of having to decide what to do with my days. Well, it is unusual compared to the last year or so. Boredom is like age in that you are only ever as bored as you feel. It’s taken a bit of time for me to realise that I quite like the mundane rituals of running the show on my own, and that it’s better to get on with things in order to take pride in ones accomplishments as soon as possible – even if it is just getting the dishes done.

Writing is harder though. All these small rituals and such leave little room for thinking up big ideas. I find myself with little time to ponder big questions and it seems funny just how much I thought about big ideas while looking for work and while largely out of control of my life earlier this year. I guess control over one’s destiny is never really acknowledged when we have it, and is ardently missed when it is gone.

As such my mantra these days is that advantage is temporary. No matter who you are, your high ground and comfort will eventually be traded away. You may not even recognise your current position of safety until it is gone. There is no malice involved, it’s just the passing of time and/or the second law of thermodynamics. Nothing bad lasts forever – the hold of troubled times has its own entropy too. However, the flip side to that is that you have to cherish the good times while they are here.

You have a wealth of talent and treasure available to you. We all do. It also magnifies when shared with others, something that I wish I’d learned sooner. I could go into all the reasons why I lost sight of that, but it’s better to just say it loud and proud now and try not to forget it. At the moment my slow rhythms and small victories are my own, but I hope to start sharing them soon. Perhaps I will write more and share that way, perhaps I might meet someone and share my life: I certainly have the room.

Talking of which, I will sleep star-shaped in bed tonight. I have to do so while I can. After all, advantage is temporary.


Hero image is “Star-shaped flower petals” by Rachel Dale. Found on Flickr. Creative commons license, no modifications made to the original image.

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